March 21, 2009 was one of the worst days of my life. It was around late after noon I received a phone call from my sister while at the horse barn. She found my favorite and best doe dead. At first, I couldn't say anything, I didn't feel anything, and I couldn't hear anything. I was in complete shock. It wasn't the kind of shock when your heart feels like it was just ripped out. At that moment, I felt absolutely nothing. Thoughts were racing through my head, like her life flashed before my eyes.

It was at that moment when I felt her pass through me and immediately my heart dropped and I felt. I felt confused, upset, devastated, angry, sad, depressed; I was just flooded with feelings. I slowly began realizing what had happened and began to cry. She was everything to me. She was my baby, the one I looked forward to coming home to, the one I wanted to squeeze and cuddle with, the one I looked forward to feeding every night. Not being able to hold her, rub her perfect little crown, watch her run binkies in the house at night, not being able to just look at her and know that she would always love me unconditionally. That was what got me. I tried to ignore the conversation going on in the car. The occasional "I'm sorry" or "I can't believe that" was just pushed aside. I tried to regain sanity and go one with the day, but every thought of her made me loose it.

We went home that day and I tried to stay busy with other things. My mom came up to me and told me it was time. It was time to put away the memories; to cover up them up and move on. It was time to bury the love of my life. A prayer sealed the moment. "Please forgive us Lord, for we have sinned. We thank you for allowing us to take care of these animals."

I didn't know how I was going to be able to keep breeding. I would never look at another rabbit like I did her. I didn't go in the barn for three days. I couldn't look at the rabbits that so hopefully looked at me. I feared that I would loose the love of this animal. Not that I would loose their love, but loose the love to care for them, raise them, create their personalities, watch them grow. I was afraid.

It wasn't until I finally had some closure that I was able to continue. I kept my herd and kept breeding for I knew it would be worth it. I would never find, nor create, another rabbit like her, but I was sure that I would be able to make some like her. That was when I decided that I wanted to devote my rabbitry and all my future rabbits to her. Devote my sole purpose to creating rabbits with her loving personality and her superior type. Hoping that all my rabbits would follow in her foot steps.

I spent weeks trying to come up with the perfect name. It had to have meaning and it had to represent her. The name finally came to me April 3, 2009. I knew that the perfect name would just come to me. And so it was, Locket Lops. I believe this name is perfect because what are lockets? Lockets are things you keep close to your heart. They hold your memories and keep safe things that you so dearly love. After purchasing a silver locket for her a few weeks earlier, it just fit.

October 4, 2008 was a Saturday I will never forget. It was the beginning of a journey in which I would learn how to love, care, and devote. All though the journey lasted a short five months and eighteen days, it was a journey I will never regret nor forget.

In loving memory, BYG's Mishodoe. May you hop the fields over the rainbow bridge with a full and happy heart. May you binky until your heart is content. May you never forget the people that loved you.